yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
