Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
