fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
