Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
