Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
