WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
How's work?
Spinning.
She's the barista slut.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
