Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
