i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I wish i was in the wii world.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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