saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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