Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
