I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
how drunk are you?
Several
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
