But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
