that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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