i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
