i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
