She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
