Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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