I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
