You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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