3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
