Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
