so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
