Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
