After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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