There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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