I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
