3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
