Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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