Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
