Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
