I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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