Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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