I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
