My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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