Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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