I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
