I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
