it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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