so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
