when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
