This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
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