There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
