I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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