the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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