We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
