you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
