you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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