I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
