just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
