Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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