I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
